Friday, July 23, 2010

*.My.Lovely.Muse.*: imaginings...

*.My.Lovely.Muse.*: imaginings...

imaginings...

.I.M.A.G.I.N.I.N.G.S.
Meditate upon the ray of light that pierces through a window on a sunny day-- and imagine how that ray exists engulfed within its source, the sun. So too, is the cosmos a nothingness absorbed within its Source, the Infinite Light.
Imagine the entire universe as a stream of conscious thought, and imagine how a single thought exists in its place of birth, a place before words, before things, where there is only One.
We created beings cannot perceive the Source with our flesh eyes, and so we see a world. But to the Source there is no being, no entity, only the Infinite Light.
~ TZVI FREEMAN.
   HTTP://WWW.CHABAD.ORG


sunbeams




http://www.flickr.com/photos/dionnehartnett/4881998292/

Because.I.Can.

What's playing on YOUR car radio?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

violatedandlefttodie

















... We cheat ourselves and the world if we don't use that ability as best we can.
-Gracie Allen
I WAS ALWAYS TOLD I WAS A CHEATER.
Screw.It.




A mouthful of damn happiness.

I.HATE.
I HATE HATING.
I USED TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE PROUD TO STATE, "I HATE NO ONE!".
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO
G.E.T. ALONG! WITH ME!!
I.HATE.
I HAVE BECOME WHAT I'VE SPOKEN ABOUT IN ALL OF THESE FUCKING BLOGS ALL OF THIS TIME.
I HAVE FREELY GIVEN SOMEONE THE POWER TO DESTROY ME.
TO KILL MY OWN SOUL.
SOMEONE I LOVED THE MOST. I NOW WISH HER PAIN AND SUFFERING, LONG ON THIS EARTH. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE DEATH.
THAT WOULD BE TO EASY FOR HER.
I.HATE.

SHE VIOLATED ME. SHE RAPED AND PILLAGED ME. SHE PLUNDERED MY FRAGILE HOLD ON THIS LITTLE LIGHT INSIDE THAT CALLED ITSELF HOPE.



THERE IS NO HOPE NOW.



















The Middle of the Beginning of the End.


Dissonance.


The Greatest Pain.


The Greatest Fear.


The Only Answer.

Bits&Pieces

I'm starting a story. It's true. All of it. At least so far. However, the story is long, mostly tragic, like almost tragic enough to have been a Greek play. But, I've just decided to throw it out there and either it's read or it's not read... More than likely NOT read.... That's okay too. I don't give a DAMN about my analytic ratings; I can't even make the stupid thing work. So.... It begins (but not at the beginning, of coarse):

"Running"

.. I was always running (away)
From self
For cover
Fleeing the essence of I

Running from past
Sprinting from future
Giving the present a run for its money

Running like coward
Or a bull dragged by its angry horns.

Running into dead ends
One way stop signs
Forced backwards into
My own erected walls.

Running in fear
From time
In thoughts; cradling attachments like bones

Truth too pure
Self too damned
Running and running
Desperate to elude
This light inside.

Realisation came in revelations
I despised – truth dawned
Running – never moving
Frozen on spot

I saw my running was leading
Nowhere
As I fled with fearful eyes
Into a harsh reality.

Now I am running – running across fields
Forward – full circle back into self

Running and running for dreams
Transforming my illusions
Of reality.

Running into the future
Full speed I greet the gift
Of the present

Racing into the light...
~ by Clare Campbell




Hurt. ThinkExist.

HURT...

“HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Horrible isn't it? It makes you so VULNERABLE. It opens your CHEST and it opens up your HEART and it means that SOMEONE CAN GET INSIDE YOU (!) and MESS YOU UP. You build up all these DEFENSES, you build up a whole suit of ARMOR, so that nothing can hurt you, then... •••ONE STUPID PERSON•••, no different from any other stupid person, WANDERS IN TO YOUR STUPID LIFE...You GIVE them a PIECE of *YOU*. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then YOUR LIFE ISN'T YOUR OWN ANY MORE... Love takes **HOST.ageS**. It gets inside you. It EATS YOU OUT and LEAVES YOU CRYING in the ~DARKNESS~, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a GLASS SPLINTER working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. [****]It's a (!SOUL!)-hurt[death], a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I HATE LOVE.”
[caps added for emphasis]
http://thinkexist.com/quotation/have-you-ever-been-in-love-horrible-isn-t-it-it/347156.html



“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”
~Author Unknown.





Saturday, July 17, 2010

How to Master Photography Using PhotoShop and PhotoShop Tutorials

How to Master Photography Using PhotoShop and PhotoShop Tutorials

SOOOO...... I've already published this once, but this is MY blog, and I get to decide what is most important for my blogger friends (at least, here and now).... :)
That is why I've published this post AGAIN, because it's so critical if anyone out there plans on or is already actively pursuing visual media (like.... photography!) and other digitalized arts - to become O.N.E. with this intensely provocative and infuriatingly complex program! There are millions of tutorials out there . . . Go and explore the world of photoshopping! Watch Utube videos! Google "photoshop" and see what comes up! The results will be more than you can handle! I promise! :)
This is a reminder for me as well. I've been bad about using what is "comfortable," even though the programs I use do not have a fraction of the potential that photoshop has . . . . . . Guilty as charged!
by: Dionne.Ashley  
Supernova Wannabe
this was one of my first attempts at "layers."  I've barely scratched the surface on this one, but it's a lot of fun!  it's similar to collage-ing (yeah, it's not really a word, but this is like a courtroom and I am like the judge presiding over it... that means, it's a word!!!) the old-school way, but without all the mess!
                                                           Issues With Authority . . . 
                                                                      by: DionneAshley









Cheers!
Dionne... :0)

contact VIII


contact VIII, originally uploaded by TommyOshima.

HERE IS ANOTHER PHOTOGRAPHER THAT I HAPPENED ACROSS (THERE ARE SO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE OUT THERE, IT'S A BIT OVERWHELMING AND A LOT INTIMIDATING!) AND COULD NOT RESIST A POST . . . IT'S THE UNIQUE USE OF ART, DIGITAL MEDIA, PHOTOGRAPHY - ALMOST REMINDS ME OF A MIXED MEDIA, BUT I THINK IT'S JUST A PHOTOGRAPH FROM WHAT I CAN TELL ( WITH SOME OBVIOUS EDITING!). THE COMPOS
ITION AND 3-D FEEL FROM THE HAND ON WHAT I (THE VIEWER) WOULD ASSUME TO BE GLASS IS VERY POWERFUL... I LOVE THIS SHOT! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO BROWSING A BIT MORE THROUGH THIS USER'S PHOTOSTREAM.
ENJOY!
CHEERS!
DIONNE :)

http://www.flickr.com

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Pink is the New Black & Black is Back (Hipstamatic Contest Entry)

a shocking confession: I tend to be quirky at times . . . okay, so it's glaringly obvious and I'm dripping with sarcasm, but I thought it would be oppropriate to share my attempt at some dry humor (if you can call that humor), simply BECAUSE.I.CAN!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

unrequited.

THIS is the one that I blame all of my troubles on. 

Damn multiples.
THIS is the one that made asshole pictures for L. & B. out of lipliner and lipstick.
my body covered in sharpies; alone in the desert with questions staring back at me blankly - scrawled across my legs and thighs and arms and stomach and neck and toes.  darkest of dark blackest of black, blacker than the blackest black hole.
According to In.Cog.NITO, this would be the ultimate "fuck-you-look-what-you-did-to-me-you-cold,-heartless,-worthless-bitch."  

that was then.

now.  I'm right.  i have my justice.  i can find solace in the fact that all of my predictions have come true.  Right?  
Now.  i don't feel vindicated.  I'm still angry.  livid.  i don't go crazy with fury and anguish every single day like i did 3 months ago, but i still feel the demon seething in my belly like a poison, venomous snake just aching to slither up my stomach into my throat and out of my mouth.  like a possession.  possessed by fear, anger, sorrow, grief, betrayal, insecurity, anguish, depression, anxiety, and o.b.s.e.s.s.i.o.n. 
it goes and goes and a talk and talk (to myself, mostly, since there are not many people to talk to around here and even if there were, they will say; 1. "you just have to get over it." i want to strangle those people.  it would have been easier had she died.  if your best friend died, how would you feel when people you love tell you to "just get over it," or "you just have to move on!" 
no.shit.
so, i'm working hard on moving on and to my surprise L. calls me out of the blue yonder, somewhere in the outlying Houston area.  she thinks she sounds sober, i suppose, or she probably would not have called.  as i predicted, she's already drunk.  as i predicted her brand shiny new husband is already traveling "for work" for two months as soon as they returned from their honeymoon.  he'll be back in mid-august.  she has no internet, no phone.  the house fell through.  they can only rent in her name because of his massive debt-to-income ratio.  so . . . I'm greedily soliciting information from her, as I have not heard from her in many months.  i want to know how miserable she really is. 

i heard all of my predictions coming true, or already having manifested themselves in her life.  suddenly, it dawns on me . . . she had everything. she had everything she had lost due to her alcoholism and even more than she could have ever dreamed.  that was precisely the time she shit on all of it.  i realized then, that she doesn't think she deserves those things.  she had admitted to me (when i was still absolutely unsuspecting and she still told me things) while we were driving across main street on northwest highway - i remember it vividly . . . she told me that she knew she was "settling" with b.  i asked her why, then, does she want to go back to him?  "i'm too scared of being alone.  it's too painful."  
she forced things to go her way, disregarding his resistance.  she knew he did not want to ever marry again.  she knew he was not appreciative and likely never would be.  she knew they had a meager sex life at best.  she knew that he was inconsiderate, selfish, self-consumed, and she knew that when things got tough, b. mysteriously disappeared, like a waning tide.  she knew all of this, yet still believed they were "in love" and finally got what she wanted.  i have been the only person (to my knowledge) in her life, that strongly opposed this wedding.  i won't go into details about the duplicitous, unethical role my own counselor played in this sordid little tale, because i need my starbucks really soon.  suffice to say, he was a major player and he has not bothered to call me since the day before i left texas despite four years of his promising to never do that to me - abandon me without notice, as so many people in my life have done.  he just followed l's lead.  
long story, and i want it to stop now.
simply put; so far, everything is playing out as i had predicted.  
but . . . i do not feel any better.  no vindication, no sense of gratification.  I'm angry at her for damaging both of our lives, for sabotaging everything meaningful in her life, including our friendship that was the most important relationship in my life.  the anger didn't dissipate, but my need for revenge has started to dissipate, now that i realize that this need does nothing but make me feel sadness and wish that i had been wrong after all.  
and she has left me with a dilemma.  i need starbuck's, so i won't go into the dilemma right now.  
let's just say, i have to find a way to check my motives on who i choose to go to for advise.  the people i would have normally gone to are no longer interested in speaking to me for a variety of reasons, most of which, are unknown to me, some of which are known.  not very many though.
i can only think of the unethical bastard counselor as a person to talk to about this.  it's either him or her sister, whom i've always liked.  however, i don't know if my motives are in her best interest by going to her sister.  i have not confronted her yet.  b. most likely does not know.  he might have relapsed too, who knows?  they were both aa members when they met.  
motives.
motives.
motives.
motives.
that's today's theme.